Taking Care of Yourself

After the miscarriage, I wanted to take care of myself. I wanted to find my own strength and my own ways to heal. So when Joe recommended that I make an appointment with a counselor one tearful night, I rejected the idea. I could handle this.

But two weeks went by, and it was clear that I was not handling it. I was becoming so easily overwhelmed, having meltdowns that the people around me couldn't understand. It was time to do something else.

I finally contacted Student Counseling and scheduled an appointment, and I'm so glad I did. It was a chance to talk to someone about my specific needs without feeling like a burden. It was a chance to hear someone else's take on the situation instead of trying to analyze it on my own. And it allowed me to recognize and label what I was going through as grief.

Instead of concentrating on what happened, my counselor chose to focus on how to move forward. We talked about the resources that were available, and he helped me to think of new ways to help myself.

He gave me this advice:

Pay attention to the things that make you happy. When you find something, enjoy it and remember it. Don't be afraid to let yourself be happy.

I took his advice, and I started to pay attention, not only to my sadness, but to my happiness as well. Here's what I found:

I found a way to spoil myself, simple and just a little bit extravagant. At the hospital, there's a Starbucks coffee cart where I learned to order the raspberry white chocolate mocha (or a "red and white" if you want to sound more savvy). This is the sweetest, best thing I've found, and it's surprisingly pink for coffee. It's also one of the highest calorie items on the menu, but I did mention that I was trying to spoil myself.

I found something that made me laugh, and I found it on TV. Two shows--America's Funniest Videos and the more adult version, Tosh.O. There's just something about watching people hurt themselves. When I'm laughing at their expense, I try to take a second to feel bad, but who doesn't laugh when a grown man gets run over by his toddler in a Big Wheels convertible? I was even able to laugh at the giggling babies.

Lastly, I found something that made me feel good. It wasn't until four months after the miscarriage, but I eventually started going to the gym. One of my favorite things became listening to my iPod while running on the treadmill. This provided me with time to think, but my thoughts were usually more positive when I was working out. Sometimes the music I listened to was too sad or too happy, and I would tear up, but running was cathartic that way.

If you are grieving, I encourage you to look for the things that make you happy too. Let your happiness be guilt-free if you can. There will be plenty of opportunities to be sad.

And I encourage you to seek out your equivalent to my Student Counseling. Grief counseling helps, and grief is not something you should try to take care of by yourself.

(What I'm listening to right now...)
 Sia "I'm In Here"